chibi_trillian

mettathron and I have combined forces to create angst, or rather, I wrote sadness, she one-upped me, and we worked together to make the hellish mess of tears that is Endless Sleep. It has already broken one person, and I cried while writing my parts of Endless Sleep. This will probably never happen again. If you think this sucks, you can be glad of that.

One Piece belongs to neither mettathron nor I. Be happy.

Warnings: Character death.

Title: Slow Learner
Author: chibi_trillian
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Angry Usopp, cheating Sanji. Usopp's half.


We’re in port and you’re gone again.

You and your wallet and a box of condoms, all disappeared within an hour of us dropping anchor. You don’t need anything else to have a good time. Especially not me.

I’d work myself up into a temper, but it’s not worth it. If I call you on it, you’ll say that you thought what we had between us was a casual sort of thing, y’know, friends helping each other out. Funny, that’s not what you said last night. You’ve got such a selective memory that I wonder what’s actually in your cigarettes.

If I slam the galley door behind me and say that we need to Talk about Us, you’ll tell me that you were drunk, that you’ve got needs, that variety is the spice of life. And as a chef you know all about spices, don’t you? You spin a better lie than I do, when it comes down to it.

You don’t know how close you’re dancing to the edge. Zoro’s had to thump Luffy upside the head a couple of times. Robin’s usually the only thing keeping Nami from laying into you those first couple of days out of port, before you charm the anger out of all of us again. Chopper came within an inch of thrashing you to pieces, putting you back together, and taking you apart again last time, when you brought your “date” back to the ship because you couldn’t afford a hotel. You can be so stupid-drunk, so clueless, so goddamn BLOND sometimes.

One of these days I’ll learn better. Learn better than to give my heart to a man who hands his out to every girl on the street. Learn better than to sit out here on the deck and fish and wait for you to come back smelling like perfume and cheap wine and some pretty girl’s sweat. Learn better than to stand between you and the well-deserved censure of your nakama by saying it’s my decision.

It may be my decision, but they can make their displeasure known. You found that out the third time you came back and found Robin and Nami snuggled up to me like I was the Pimp Fisherman, and every time since. Nami tells better stories about our alleged sexual escapades while fishing than I do, and Robin just smiles at her and tells her she’s a naughty girl. Zoro barely touches his food until you apologize. Chopper has mysteriously convenient nightmares and sleeps next to me until I’m not angry with you anymore—nothing stops a booty call like a reindeer in pajamas. And Luffy…

Luffy just gives you that “I expected better of you” look, and I can see the shame in your eye. It’s almost enough to make up for your fuckups. Almost.

Maybe one of these days you’ll learn better. Probably not. I knew what you were walking into this, which is why I tell the others to leave you alone.

There’s Nami. If she and Robin and I fish together, we might catch enough fish for breakfast tomorrow.

If you come back looking lonely instead of guilty, we’ll even let you cook it.


Title: Careless Whisper
Author: mettathron
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Sanji explains himself.


We’re in port, and I’m gone again.

I and my wallet and my box of condoms and the little bottle hidden in the box, all disappeared within an hour of us dropping anchor. I’ve got business to take care of, and this is the only way I can get it done without you guessing.

You could get mad, but apparently it’s not worth it to you anymore. If you called me on it, I’d tell you I thought it was a casual thing, y’know, friends helping each other out. It’s not what I said last night, and it’s not what I mean, but it’s what I have to say. You get that suspicious look in your eyes when you see my cigarettes and somehow never notice that it’s the same pack. I’ve been working on this same pack for a week.

If you slam the galley door and say we need to Talk about Us, I’ll tell you I was drunk, that I have needs, and that variety is the spice of life. You hate that last one because the first two just make me look stupid, but the third means I’m doing it on purpose. When it comes down to it, you don’t know just how good of a lie I’m spinning. Lies within lies to cover the lies I keep telling…

It’s hard to do this to you all, to walk on the edge all the time and look like I don’t see what I’m doing. Zoro and Robin-chan keep Luffy and Nami-san from killing me before I can smooth over the waves I’ve made with my less than gentlemanly behavior. Chopper looked like he wanted to thrash me to pieces, put me back together, and take me apart again when I brought that one girl on board. I played drunk when you found me, grinned stupidly and leaned a little too much when I stage-whispered that I couldn’t afford a hotel. Like she didn’t already know. She’s the one who took the money so I could refill the bottle in the first place.

One of these days I won’t make it back to the ship again. That one night we fought and I went out to show you that I didn’t need you… I made a stupid mistake. I got smashed, hooked up with some girl whose name I never even found out… Nothing sobers you up faster than your date coughing up bloody chunks of lung on you. It’s some kind of virus, apparently. Only briefly contagious, but lucky me, I got it from her. The bottle holds a medicine that suppresses it, but according to the port’s doctor, it’s incurable. Terminal. As long as the medicine lasts, I’ll be okay. Without it…

Every port we hit, I’m gone. Find the doctor or the apothecary or whomever the hell it is that sells medicine and pray that they’ve got more. I can’t go to Chopper. I can’t explain this to him. So I get the drugs and spend the rest of the night in the bar, letting the scent of alcohol and cheap perfume permeate my skin to cover the scent of the medicine. You’re all that stands between their wrath and me. One of these days you’ll step aside and let them tear into me. I’m almost looking forward to it.

I don’t want a sad goodbye. I don’t want tears and crying and the feeling of loss that never goes away. That’s not what I want for you all. Get mad. Get even. I was relieved, in a sick sort of way, when I came back the third time and saw Nami-san and Robin-chan curled up to you like you were some kind of Pimp Fisherman. From what Nami-san says, you’ve been getting laid more than I have. Robin-chan has that smile, the one that makes me melt, and it’s reserved for you. They’ll take care of you. Marimo glares and stabs at his food like the barbarian he is until I apologize. He’ll look out for you. Chopper has those “nightmares” and cuddles up to you like your own living plushie until you’re not mad anymore. He’ll stay with you. And Luffy…

Luffy gives me that, “I expected better of you” look, and I almost think he can see through what I’m doing. I’m almost so ashamed that I spill everything and fall down crying, begging for forgiveness. Almost.

Maybe one of these days I’ll learn better. I can’t keep this up forever. You seem to accept it, or are at least resigned.

There’s the doctor. He frowns when I start coughing and there are flecks of blood on the hand that I raised to cover my mouth.


I ran out of medicine a week ago.


Title: Endless Sleep
Authors: mettathron and chibi_trillian
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Consequences and tears.


Twenty four hours. That's the estimate the doctor gave me. He's no Chopper, but he's smart. He knew what it was immediately. It's really less, because in six I'll be contagious and a walking death sentence to anyone who gets too close. What's worse is that I know it's true. I can feel myself slowly dying. There's this hitch in my breath, a rasp that wants to catch and set me coughing. I can't go back like this.

****

It’s almost dawn, and you’re not back. Nami dozed off a few hours ago; Robin brought out a blanket for all of us and then went to sleep herself. I’m supposed to be angry with you, I know, but I’m starting to get worried despite myself. My usual overreaction, probably, but it’s quiet and lonely, and you’ve never been out this late before. You never spend the night with your “friends” in port, and you’re always back in time to start breakfast. You ought to be working on the day’s baking right now, and you’re not.

Sanji, where are you?

****

I've been thinking. I've had plenty of time for it. I had to make a plan. When things are important, really important, I have to plan them out to the smallest detail. Nothing is more important than protecting you from my biggest mistake.

****

The sky is lightening. Dawn, and still no you.

Dammit, that’s it. That’s it. I’m finding you even if I have to look in every sleazy bar in this town. I’m bringing you back even if I have to pull you out of some whore’s bed and drag you down the street naked.

And after, Sanji, if you don’t have a damn good excuse for me, it’s over. This liar thinks it’s about time for some goddamn honesty.

****

The notes are written. The doctor has his instructions: wait three days before delivering. If you're still in port... if you're still waiting for me to come home... If you're still waiting for me... Well, that's all I can give you. Seven words for you. Four for the others. That's all I have left to give.

I miss you. I wonder if you're curled up between Nami-san and Robin-chan again. I wish I could have joined you.

I'm out the door and down the alley without a sound. I can't afford to run into anyone this close to dawn. I don't know what I'd do if I ran into the idiot marimo -- or even worse, you -- between here and the old docks. I can't keep this lie up any longer.

****

Five bars, twelve half-asleep barmaids, and two angry bartenders down, and none of them remembers seeing a blond in a suit. You’re not exactly inconspicuous or unmemorable, with your hair and eyebrows and pretty face. Most people watch when you come into a room. I should know, I’m one of them. I’ve always been one of them.

Please, for the love of God, tell me I’m not going to find you in a gutter somewhere. Tell me you weren’t doing something that was so bad that letting me think you were philandering was better.

I can’t search every back alley and whorehouse in this town. I’m going back to the ship to get Chopper.

****

This is my final plan. My greatest disappearing act yet. Nothing is going to stop me, and no one is going to find me. I've thought of everything. Chopper's nose may lead them to the doctor's place, but the only thing they'll be getting out of him are the notes. From there, the path I took loops six times and heads past at least two garbage dumps.

I've fucked up a lot of things in my life, including the best thing that ever happened to me: you. I hope you can forgive me one day. Until then, I know the others will look out for you.

Fucking hell, this water is cold.

****

Chopper’s nose took us straight to the town doctor. My world ended when that kind old man with tears in his eyes opened his mouth and told me what happened, what was wrong with you, what was really going on. He handed me your note and I dropped it twice trying to get it open.

Chopper collapsed with grief and guilt because he’s your doctor, he’s supposed to have noticed that you were sick, he’s supposed to fix you and make everything better. I left him with the doctor. I don’t need his nose to know where you’re going. You told me plain enough in your note.

“I’ll see you again in All Blue.”

Please don’t let me be too late. I brag so much about how fast I can run away from things. For once in my life, I’m running towards something.

Please, Sanji, let me see you one more time.

Please don’t do this to me, to us, to all of us.

Please don’t make the last words I ever say to you be the angry ones I tossed out after you as you were leaving.

Please, baby, please.

****

The water is bitterly cold. There's no other way to describe it. It hurts and it numbs and I can't help but think of all the things I meant to do... What am I doing? Panic hits me for a minute. I haven't found All Blue! I'll be letting down the shitty old man. I want to live. I want to see your face as you yell at me for staying out all night. I want you to glare at me with your beautiful black eyes and tell me that if what we had was important to me, I'd stop fooling around. Honey, I wish you could have known just how important you are to me. Nothing else matters anymore.

I have to keep you safe from me. Oh shit, it's so cold...

I'd give anything if I could have seen you smile one more time. I can't breathe...

Baby, I love you.

****

There’s the old landing and docks, the ones that no one uses anymore. My chest hurts, from crying or running I can’t tell anymore. I can’t see you. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there’s a chance. Maybe I can see you again, even if it’s only for a little while, even if I can’t touch you. I don’t need long. Just long enough to tell you I love you and I’m sorry. Just long enough to scream my rage at foul Pestilence for taking another person I love from me. You know how important words are to me. Tell me you didn’t leave me with seven words on a piece of paper and no way to reply.

Oh God. Footprints in the damp sand from a pair of shoes like no other in all the Blues, fresh enough that the rising tide hasn’t even touched them, one set leading towards the water and none leading away.

No.

This isn’t happening.

Your story isn’t supposed to end like this.

Oh God. Oh God. Maybe Zoro is right and there is no God. If there is one, He’s not listening to me, because that bit of floating black in the water looks more like a tie than a piece of seaweed.

The water’s cold, but not as cold as being here without you.

It is a tie. Your tie. I should know, I’ve held it often enough, sliding it between my fingers while you joked about me keeping you on a short leash, back before we started fighting and you started cheating.

No. Not cheating. You probably never cheated. I said so many unkind things to you, wasted so much time. I always thought I’d have more.

I was wrong.

I love you.

I’m sorry.

Apologies and love don’t bring back dead people. I know that too well. Even though I can’t seem to get my legs under me right now, even if I can’t stop crying long enough to speak, I know that eventually I’ll have to stand up or be picked up and leave here alone.

No. Not alone. As long as there’s seawater under the ship’s hull and dreams inside it, you won’t be too far away.

Your note said it all.

I’ll see you when I find All Blue.