Since the rocket scientists in my apartment building managed to break one of the dryers AGAIN, my laundry took twice as long as normal and I wound up watching DVDs instead of writing. Namely, I watched about half of the first season of one of my old loves, Beast Wars (a computer-animated Transformers spinoff that aired in the mid-nineties). I've come to a few conclusions:

1) The children's TV shows of my childhood? UTTERLY WASTED ON CHILDREN. Keeeeeeerist, there was so much in this show that I totally failed to pick up on the first time around.

2) Tarantulus is a hardcore rapist and perv. Srsly. He is all about the sweet robot ass, the bondage, and the bloodplay. I should not be able to watch Cheetor getting captured and wind up screaming "YOU GONNA GET RAPED!" out loud. Ditto with his hardcore molestation of Rattrap and his creation of Black Arachnea as a sex toy.

3) Dinobot's eye lasers are the living incarnation of awesome.

4) Cheetor is the Sanji of the Beast Wars world. He exists solely to fail a great deal and make "HELLO LADIES" faces despite the distinct lack of, well, ladies.

5) Megatron. Yeeeeesssss. The man (robot?) gets mad props for managing to stay a leader in the bucket-o-crabs culture of the Predacons and for consistently obeying all of the "When I am an evil overlord..." rules. With the exception of the one about the ducts.